This Close
by Sakura Yosei
Summary: Cana finds herself at Mavis' grave with not just a physical wound but a deeply emotional one as well. Mostly just Cana exploring her thoughts/feelings about Gildarts. Please R/R. Onesided Cana/Gildarts. drabbleish/oneshot. Please no flames. .;;


**Title**: This Close

**Pairings:** Cana/Gildarts

**Rating:** I'm gonna stick with M just in case.

**Plot:** This is a onesided Cana/Gildarts sort of drabble/oneshot that I came up with on a whim. Mostly just Cana exploring her thoughts/feelings about Gildarts. Please R/R. If you don't like the idea of Cana liking Gildarts don't read .;; flaming is dumb. Lol.

So yeah, that one shot I was thinking of with a onesided cana/gildarts. It is here….haha. what can I say, I like the possible challenge? For some reason I felt drawn to the two….haha. I know gildarts is older then macao even after the timeskip but I just can't see them together o.O; and I know Gildarts is family. But that's whats creates the drama I guess? Yeah I don't know where I'm going with this… XD it's 4 in the morning.

This is a Cana POV. So first person…

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Fairy Tail. I just love it to death XD

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Even after being frozen in time for seven years, Mavis' grave was still beautiful. When the tree first fell I had thought that her grave would be torn assunder, yet somehow it was still intact with fireflies glowing gently in the air. Why did I even decide to come here? There is nothing here for me. Am I seeking comfort? Am I hiding like the coward I am? Did I come here for a sign? Mavis Vermillion…somehow I wanted to see your soft smile.

"Master Mavis…" I found the words slowly coming together, "I am a failure. I can never live up to my father's name. I couldn't even use Fairy Glitter right, the spell you lent to me so graciously. My arm…it's slowly falling apart. I'm becoming more and more useless to the ones I love. I don't deserve to be in Fairy Tail"

I cradeled my right arm. I had bandaged it tightly but I knew I was losing it. The springs on the island had helped but over the months it started to lose function. He would understand right? Having an arm and leg missing… but I don't have the courage to go on like before. How do you do it Gildarts?

"Gildarts…father…do you know I am here? I want to go back to that day we first met. So badly…it'd be so great I could return to it. I'm tired of the sleepless nights. I wonder if loving you is allowed or not. Whenever I think about it, my chest tightens with an unending sense of guilt. This love is a secret. It's love, but in my heart it is only filled with pain."

I was talking to the gravestone of our first master about loving my biological father. I'm crazy. Yup crazy. I haven't been this sober since the S-class exams. To think I took up drinking in hopes of not thinking about you. To think I looked for you in other men like Macao. I let out a loud sigh and stared up at the sky, watching the clouds go by.

"Master Mavis…I really shouldn't have ripped up that call Gildarts card. Did you ever want to see someone so badly yet avoid them like the plague?"

I glanced back at the grave only to get silence, I couldn't help but laugh. I was silly to think Mavis would waste her time listening to a woman whine about her problems. If only life was like a silly romance novel, with some crazy circumstance that made it so the two people involved weren't actually blood related. I probably wouldn't be this bent up if I hadn't known for sure you were my father.

"I finally told you I'm your daughter. But sometimes I wonder how pure my motives were…" I paused and glanced down at my arm, "For the longest time I kept it in and I was very reluctant to let you know. Was it really because you were so great? Or was it because I wanted to still believe I could be in love with you without repercussions? I wanted you to acknowledge me…being your daughter is a blessing and a curse."

I ran my good hand along the grave, brushing off some of the moss that was covering the stone.

"Were you ever in love Master Mavis? So far I feel like love is so depressing it sucks." I couldn't help but chuckle, trying to hold back tears. "You know the night I told Gildarts that I was his daughter I realized just how well I knew him just from watching him from the shadows. I know him so well…he will never see me in that manner."

I felt my eyes stinging and I rubbed them, feeling moisture wet my hands. "The littlest things get to me. Just his casual kindness, like him giving me his cape when I'm cold causes my chest to tighten. Pathetic right Master? Even when my arm was starting to give way he asked me 'you're not feeling too good?' and all I could was yawn and tell him it must be all the drinking and lack of sleep. Truth is I wanted to cry because of the pain in my arm and I was so happy he had returned from traveling once more to see how I was doing."

"The lies I keep telling you father, they keep piling up. I hate this current me. Even more so then the me during the S-Class exam. Why are we family? Even though I'm this close to you, no matter how strong my feelings are…they don't ever reach you. You don't…wouldn't understand that I'm in love with you…"

I bit my lip as I felt the tears streaming down my cheeks freely now. Mavis must think I'm pathetic…horrible. Why is someone with such impure feelings allowed in a guild as great as Fairy Tail?

"I want to tell him 'I love you'. If I tell him those three words…I probably couldn't smile in front of him anymore, they would just be fake smiles. I can't take it…I wouldn't be able to take it anymore. I know my father, he is laid back, but he has strong morals. I wouldn't want to shame him. Master Mavis…I want to leave the guild…"

I saw a soft glow coming from my bag and reached over to grab it. Why could my bag be glowing? What one of my cards going off? My eyes widened as I pulled out the ripped up Call Gildarts card. I rubbed my eyes hoping it was just my blurry teary vision but I could see the two pieces glowing clearly.

"The magic should be broken…I don't get it…" I pondered and glanced up at the sky once more. "Is this some kind of sign?" I scoffed and then placed the glowing card down on the ground next to my bag. I wanted this off my chest for good and I placed my hand on her grave again, whispering.

"Master Mavis…the truth is I love Gildarts, my father. I have always loved him. Always, always. I will keep loving him. I wish I could send him these feelings to tell him "I'm so in love with you". To tell him "I wish I wasn't your daughter but just a woman"."

"Cana-chan, you shouldn't talk to graves, it's not healthy." Cana's eyes widened as she heard Mavis' voice echo in her head with a hint of humor.

"Master Mavis?" I asked unsure.

"Cana!" my eyes widened more as I spun around to see Gildarts standing a few feet away, his cape floating in the wind.

"Gildarts…?" I asked hesitantly, glancing down at card on the ground, seeing it was now whole once more.

"Cana. You just took off from the guild like that. Lucy was so worried about you and your arm she tracked me down." Gildarts approached me and before I could react he grabbed my arm, glancing it over.

"My arm? It's fine! I'm fine! Why are you even here? Lucy didn't need to do that. You must have been busy right? You didn't need to make time for me…" I felt my chest tightening, my skin was on fire.

"I'll take you to the same place I got my arm and leg Cana. You'll be good as new." Gildarts tried to assure me, but I could sense he was trying to change the subject.

"On the outside maybe…" I sighed and pulled my arm from his grasp, glancing back at Mavis' grave.

Before I could really walk away I felt strong arms wrap around me, holding me tightly. My chest was tightening even more, like the day I told him I was his daughter. He was holding me the same way, letting out a sigh.

"Cana…I know. I can't reciprocate but I want you to know it is my fault. I should have been a better father, maybe then you would have seen me more as a father figure then some strange man. I loved your mother and I'm proud to have you as my daughter. Do not feel ashamed of our relation or your feelings. I will accept you have these feelings. Just don't leave me or the guild…you're my only family. I love you."

The tears were flowing again, he always managed to say just the thing to get to me. Why wasn't he angry or disgusted? Why was he so accepting? How did he know my feelings?

"How did you know…?" I asked between choking sobs, my eyes burning.

"It dosen't matter but if you must know…a little bird told me. Or so the saying goes." Gildarts chuckled a little and held me tighter, glancing at Mavis' grave.

"Gild…" I started but then stopped, "Father…" I said slowly, it sounding weird calling him that to his face.

"How about we go fishing and then get matching arms?" I looked up to see him grin widely.

"Forget it." I broke from his grasp and wiped my eyes, trying not to smile. This was why I loved him, my father.

Even if I could only be this close to him, it was better then nothing. And while the guilt will be here for awhile, I realize it must be nothing compared to his.

"Maybe you can travel with me. I get lonely." He continued to grin.

"I'll think about it…" I replied, watching him grab my bag, heading back through the cave.

I glanced up at the sky again and wiped my eyes even more, sniffling.

"I'm so in love with you…" I whispered under my breath.

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Um so yeah. My random cana/gildarts oneshot/drabble. Lol. Sorry if this dosen't make sense or seem that good. I am writing this at like 5/6am. Judging from the past my best work dosen't usually come from this time of night but I really wanted to get this down before I forgot. I kinda want to flesh this out later in the future and possibly make it into a longer story. But yeah, sorry if anyone is out of character. ; I mostly just want to portray gildarts as being laid back and understanding. Please R/R. let me know how you liked it. ;

::hands out mavis plushies::


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